In typical British style as soon as the temperature shifts into double digits, the clothes come off in reckless abandonment of common sense. We have only been into April a few days and already I am seeing a bit too much flesh being flashed.
Seriously I have seen healthier toned flesh hanging in a butchers shop window.
Why on earth do people do it?
Now don’t get me wrong this is not a dig at those rather rotund individuals whom walk amongst us. It is however an observational critique of those whom choose to subject the nation to way too much bare flesh than is neither appropriate nor appealing.
I was lucky enough not to get any stretch marks after having my son but if I did , then I would naturally be proud and have no fear of them being on show in a bikini. No woman should shy away from these beautiful marks of sheer heroism.
But… I don’t want to see them on middle aged ladies whom lets be honest have fallen victim of the spread.Bright purple striped flesh hanging over the top of your jeans whilst a vest top sits somewhere below your boobs and your naval. I can tell exactly where you boobs are because the rise in temperature has meant a drop in nipples as you abandoned the need for a bra!!!
It’s not courageously being proud of your size and showing it off (which I am totally in awe of btw so if you do that in a classy manner keep doing that, you rock !) And it’s not that there is a lack of appropriately sized clothing available at affordable prices either. I am actually at a loss for once to figure out what actually goes through theses ladies minds. If you were at the beach in a bikini I wouldn’t give this a second thought. But in a supermarket come on really?
Less really is more on this occasion. And it’s not just the ladies so a bit of advice to the chaps also … your unkempt nether regions are really best kept under cover.
Just this afternoon I witnessed what can only be described as a having Leo Sayers head stuffed down the butt crack of a men whom was clearly wearing his two year olds jogging bottoms.
Where are the ass crack bandits when you need them…
As he bent down to retrieve his box of Carling off the bottom shelf I almost regurgitated my coffee all over the floor. As he stood up and turned around I wondered when the last time he saw his penis might have been ? It must clearly have been some time because I couldn’t see evidence of one being in existence and I was stood face on. His groin area was covered by an apron of bare naked spotty flesh and I am pretty sure I could almost make out the resemblance of a bent over monkey with a reefer of fluff stuck up his butt as I was greeted by his naval.
But it didn’t stop there, this summer ready Adonis was wearing flip-flops.
As he marched (flipped / flopped) his way past me I wondered if he had potentially been gardening which might have gone some way in explaining his attire. Upon inspection his dirty toenails would certainly have validated this claim.
And for the love of god ladies please start sorting out your cracked heels, there is nothing worse than a lady wearing pretty sling backs / sandals and noticing her heels look like the moons surface, and that her toe nails could take out the eye of a passing dog.
So as the temperature rise so does the need to pay special attention to those parts which have been hidden away all winter. So start now and when the actual time does come to reveal yourself to the nation keep it classy , keep it age appropriate and for the love of god wear a bloody bra if those once pert boobies have shifted south.