Difference number one…..
You can’t stick a nappy on them….
Difference number two…….
You can’t actually leave their side for more than 2 seconds without fear they are going to defecate on your rug pee all over your laptop or give the cat the kind of stroke it won’t come back from.
Difference number three…
Babies don’t chew wires , shoes or furniture.
Now aside from all the other obvious differences there is one that only another puppy owner can understand.
After you have had a child you get all the sympathy in the world when you look exhausted from being up half the night and on the go all day.
Now nobody other than those who have been through it will ever give you the same look of empathy when you have a puppy , despite the fact you have been up 6 times in the night stood in the freezing cold half asleep trying to summon up enough energy to enthusiastically praise that little bundle of joy for actually peeing outside.
This agony is prolonged by the fact you must ensure you give them plenty of time after the first triumph or else they will walk straight back in the house and crap on your kitchen floor.
And believe me at 3 in the morning that is really going to grind your gears.
There is also the food transitional change and the fact that your puppy could have prolonged bouts of diarrhoea. Now this s*** is hard to pick up and you end up kind of painting a mural on the path whilst trying to pick it up ( nothing the Tate Modern couldn’t sell I am sure ).
Now don’t worry you will panic and spend more time staring quizzically at piles of crap , googling “What do worms look like” ? … blood in dog poo … “Is my puppy dying” ? …. “Why is my puppy passing mucus” than is both necessary or healthy.
Eventually of course after little ones digestive system has calmed down it will stop and that first solid poop will be the best thing you have seen so far that month . Never in your life will you be so happy to handle a solid piece of poop.
Now if your puppy is like Peanut he will love playing fetch and will randomly drop things at your feet and bark like a deranged animal until you throw it. He or she will then dutifully plod back with it in it’s mouth tail wagging proud as punch.
Cute eh ?????
Sure for the first 20 or so times it is , but when you try and stop because you do actually have a life it’s going to get very annoyed .
Now unless you have a throw like Fatima Whitbred and can send him or her off to fetch a ball a mile away and buy yourself some time you are going to have to handle this situation by distraction.
Be warned puppy’s are smart and will soon realise when you are pulling the wool over their cute hard done by eyes. The only real way to distract them is with FOOD !!! Fill a Kong with Peanut butter and you have at least a couple of hours peace.Freeze it first and you have brought yourself a whole afternoon. RESULT!!
But on the plus side of puppy ownership…… oh my lord are they loyal , cute , fun , character building, great for exercise and above all else soon part of the family.Boy do they welcome you home better than anybody else ever will.
You now also of course have a genuine excuse to talk to yourself , to look in the neighbours windows at dusk when their lights are on and the curtains still open , spend more time at the beach and to blame somebody else when you silently break wind whist guests are over.
This little troublesome bundle of pooping joy is worth every night of broken sleep you will have in those first few weeks .
Advice Note …. Despite thinking you have toilet training in the bag ( pardon the pun ) every now and then you will step in a random puddle and realise that it’s a long long process of education on both sides. If you mostly have wooden flooring and a carpet in one room they will not know it isn’t grass and just see it’s as a soft surface and will try and crap on it .
So if you are a puppy owner right now I salute you and your furry friend.If you are reading this after just getting a puppy and finding it hard … stick with it the rewards will soon outweigh anything else I promise.