Any mum will tell you that shopping is a right royal pain in the butt when your child accompanies you. Even the most patient child will at some point start to whinge. Suddenly shopping becomes more stressful and you end up coming away with half of your desired goods.
Personally I think children should be left at home after all unless you are shopping for them it’s boring, and as an adult I can honestly say I hate getting dragged around DIY stores with my worst half so I understand how a child must feel on the ever so exciting food shop.
Now the other weekend I had no choice but to take my 9-year-old son with me, therefore acknowledging his distaste in this prospect, I promised we would make this trip more exciting by perhaps completing challenges along the way. He seemed excited about this and the look in his eyes told me that I had just sold my soul to the devil.
Now to make the trip even more appealing I suggested that we swing by McDonalds drive through and pick up a snack for the journey.
And this my dear readers is where it all started.
Challenge # 1.
Order the food into the speaker using a Kermit the frog voice, and then talk normally when you approach the window to pay.
As we approached the Drive through, I just knew that this was not going to be my day. The intercom must have broken down, as in it’s place were McDonald’s staff taking your orders face to face. Looking across at my son his smile could not have been any wider, I was about to make a complete chump of myself and he couldn’t wait to witness it. As I approached the window a very smiley young lady asked what I would like… I couldn’t wimp out now I promised excitement on this trip and I had to deliver adversity was in my face and my son was watching. With this in mind I ordered a double cheeseburger meal with a chocolate thick shake, this order was delivered using in my best Kermit the frog voice complete with a dodgy American accent. The girl looked confused embarrassed and like she wanted to take to twitter instantly with the #whatthehelljusthappened.
I however felt glorious, I had completed challenge number one and #NAILEDIT.
My son looked impressed as we drove to the second window where another young girl looked kind of disappointed when I paid and said goodbye using my normal voice. Word had clearly got out that the mum in the white Audi had lost it!!!!!
As we continued on our journey him quietly tucking into his McDonalds, I prayed to god that he hadn’t inherited my imagination because if he had I was in big trouble…
Our next stop was Dunelm, and this is where I received my next challenge.
Challenge # 2.
Ask a member of staff for something and half way through start making weird noises.
BALLS !!! He had inherited my imagination. I was now faced with two choices, I could refuse and my reputation would remain in tact or I could do as he asked and practice all that “Be brave, be daring “ malarkey I am constantly drilling into him. So after securing what I actually wanted from the store I approached middle aged lady and started my speech.
ME: Excuse me do you have any err ahhh oooohh ummmm deerrrrrrrrr urrrrrrrrrrr burrrrrr eeeeeeeeeeeeee frrrrrrrrr console tables ?
STAFF: Pause…looking slightly worried …… I’ll ask Paul on the shop floor if you could just wait there.
5 minutes later Paul appears carrying a box containing a white console table….
MY CHILD: Sniggers…
ME: Thanks Paul that’s great.
Paul remains in front of me, like he wants me to talk further to witness my odd behaviour.
ME: Thanks Paul…. Again.
PAUL: Walks off.
So I exit the store with a white console table I didn’t really need and a son who can barely breathe through laughing so much.
But hey no winging!!!!
Next stop Tesco…
Ask a staff member if they sell Doritos and when they start to explain where they are cut them off midway saying it’s okay I’m not hungry anymore.
I decided that this was a job for a child, so I turned the tables and set him off walking an imaginary dog which I made him talk to until we reached mid point in the shop.
And then there she was… The poor lady stacking shelves that I had chosen to be the target, blissfully unaware that she was soon to become part of our game. Our quest to make shopping fun.
ME: Off you go….
HIM: Seriously you are making me do this.
ME: In a Kermit voice … “ Sure am buddy “.
And off he goes, looking all sweet and innocent, and as I watch the lady bend down and start to explain where the crisp aisle is I almost feel guilty.
Then I hear him interrupt her mid flow…. “ Do you know what, I’m not hungry anymore” and off he walks. straight to me hiding down the aisle …… where I stand looking straight at her … who is now looking straight at me. AWKWARD.
So we do naturally we do what any other self-respecting mother and son out having fun would do. We giggle.