Jeremy Kyle A Coffin and Crutches

It’s pretty hard to know what to blog about when all you have done for the last month or so is sit on your posterior and take lots of drugs. And before you ask no I haven’t been getting in with the wrong crowd whist plummeting into a desperate mid life crisis. I have had an operation on my foot and hip.

So you see me sitting here doing nothing , I believed would be about as interesting as those Facebook pictures of the temperature in the car in the midst of winter.

Nobody actually cares.

There were no monthly favourites for September. I am pretty sure to advocate taking morphine to you all would be wrong on all sorts of levels, and as that was the only thing that helped me smile through September it would have been a very dull read and probably awash with spelling errors.

It was only this morning that I realised I did actually have something to say , in fact a few things.

Whilst I sit here like the a rocky horror version of The Queen of Sheba, others you see have run around after me, My husband, son, parents, friends, work colleagues have all played their part in taking care of me in various ways. Now this in itself made me realise just how lucky I am but also made me ask the following questions.

What the hell would I have done had I have been on my own. ?

What if I had alienated myself from people?

What if I chose the selfish instead of selfless path in life?

It’s only when you are in a position where you need the help of others that you realise not who your friends are but…. What sort of a friend you are.

So lesson number one in life … One day you are going to need the help of others, and it may be sooner than you think. Think wisely how you treat others because one day you may look up from a fall and see no hand bearing down ready to help you up.

And a few less serious lessons I have learnt so far .

Lesson number 2.

No matter how much Jeremy Kyle you watch the people do not get any more attractive or smarter. By the end of week 4 you actually find yourself playing a game based on the outcome of the DNA results. Yes!! Means you can treat yourself to a choccie treat. NO!!! Means no choccie treat and you find yourself looking at the mother with more venom than the poor now childless counterpart!!

Lesson number 3.

Homes under the Hammer should be renamed Homes requiring a lot more than a Hammer. You soon realise that there are a lot of people out there willing to pay a lot of money for damp!!

Lesson Number 4.

There is no such sport, as speed crutch walking so don’t even attempt at aiming for excellence you will fall believe me!!!!!

Lesson Number 5.

Never underestimate the power of a good afternoon nap.

Lesson Number 6.

You can take a bath with one leg hanging out the side, in times of hygiene you will find yourself to be a lot more bendy than you first thought you were.

Lesson Number 7.

It is possible to carry a hot drink from one room to another by doing a side shuffle on one foot. Anybody claiming to dehydrate due to only having the use of one leg deserves to.

Lesson Number 8.

You can purchase a pink coffin off EBay for only £320.


Lesson Number 9.

You start to become more of a broad thinker and plan purchasing the coffin and getting your husband to put shelves inside so you can store more make-up!!!

And Lastly Lesson Number 10.

There are some strange people out there and if you tweet anything about being in a cast you get a lot of random people follow and tweet you, whom only follow and tweet people in plaster casts. Now where is my camcorder ? I can feel a special movie coming along …….


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