Esther Rantzen has a large set. Jordan’s are fake , Janet Street Porter’s are infamous and most of the guests on The Jeremy Kyle Show often have them missing……… what are they ????
Nooooo not boobs silly although I’d love to see the JK show titled ” my son in law stole my mothers breasts and now she can’t feed the neighbours kids “…… I am in fact talking , pearly whites , gnashers , chompers , whatever you call them we all have teeth.
If you are lucky enough to be one of the few who were blessed with a set so dazzling that your smile brightens up the darkest day then good for you please go stand in the “smug ” corner and wait for next weeks blog on people you most want to set on fire during a middle aged crisis. However for the rest of us left with not so perfect chompers it means one thing either hours at the dentist in your teens enduring a mouthful of plastic and metal not to mention the bullying until some years later you emerge into adolescence with teeth to be proud of . Or if you were like me and your mother placed more importance on just keeping them clean and wasn’t too fussed about that awkward crooked tooth smile you tried so hard to hide because it gave you “character”, then you are faced with years of looking at photographs with you smiling awkwardly through a tight lipped mouth and appearing slightly constipated.
Having not inherited my mothers tooth philosophy when my son’s teeth started to show signs that he was going to have lots of “character” at 9 years old I soon booked him in for a consultation with an Othodontist . Of course now it’s cooler for kids to wear a brace and with bright coloured “train tracks ” available my son was incredibly excited when he was duly informed that he would be joining the next generation of perfect smilers and would soon be hooked up with a variety of braces . Now imagine my surprise when the lovely Orthodontist turned to me and said ” Would you like a brace to correct your crooked ones too ?” Half of me wanted to fast track him to early dentures with a quick high kick to his lower jaw and the other half of me felt a tinge of excitement that maybe it wasn’t too late for me to join the exclusive smilers club that I had longed so much to be part of for years.
So after a week of playing the Shall I ? Shan’t I game ? Along with endless reassurance from my husband that he wouldn’t go off me and run off with Blake Lively here I sit looking like a third grader ( minus the lovebites and angsty resting face) . I am almost two weeks into a fixed brace being applied to my top teeth and over the next 12 to 18 months I will watch my perfect smile emerge. The fitting of the brace was painless but here comes the funny part…… During the fitting of the aforementioned brace he explained that in order for the most awkward of my misbehaving gnashers to move forward I would have to have a spring attached which would create a gap over the next 6 weeks . Clearly as half of the brace was already on and he had his hand firmly wedged in my agast mouth it was at this point too late to complain . So I stuck my thumb up in agreement and prayed that the spring wouldn’t resemble an 80’s slinky making it’s way down a crooked set of stairs.
Say hello to AJ , mother , wife and now a part time free entertainer because you cannot help but gets those fortunate ( insert swear word here ) others showing off their own pearly whites when they hear me lisping away and picking whatever I eat from under the wires. I could have gone the easy route and had my own teeth filed down to pegs and veneers applied but where is the fun in that. I am sure over the next year or so this brace will not only have changed my smile but also part of me. Most people have reacted positively and have even expressed a desire to give their own chompers a make over, others have rolled their eyes. So it’s to the eye rollers I dedicate this post . As an adult what will you do to challenge and change you ? To take you outside of your comfort zone and make you feel vunerable ?
Oddy I now find myself stating the obvious to people I haven’t seen in a while and uttering ” I’m wearing a brace ” before I can actually begin conversing with them properly . Stupid really because it isn’t like they are not going to be able to spot with zeberdy . I am yet to chair any real important meetings at work but I have already planned my opening line…..” Let’s talk about the elephant in the room today shall we ” ? I only hope they don’t glance to Bertha sat in the corner taking minutes……….
How do Braces Work